Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – August 29, 2004

 Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – August 29, 2004

Cooking

Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – August 29, 2004 – I can cook when I have to, and given sufficient time, I can put a delicious meal in front of dinner guests. I make the best ‘chili’ known to human kind and have a few chicken recipes that make your taste buds roll over and surrender. Sandwiches are a breeze and my scrambled eggs are never a miss.

During my one evening “extravaganza of entertaining” each holiday season, I offer up a Christmas party that is quite wonderful – but that’s all folks! I wish I had the talent to make entertaining easy – but I don’t practice enough and therefore never gain the proficiency I’d like to have. It always seems like such a lot of work.

When I’ve had a partner in life, I’ve always entertained more – it seems like such a couple’s thing. It’s more fun to divvy up the shopping, cooking and clean-up between two people than to have to do it all alone. In recent years I simply haven’t bothered. I get invited out a lot to family and friends and I feel a certain amount of the old Catholic guilt that I don’t reciprocate – but the guilt obviously isn’t sharp enough to make me respond in kind. Bad friend!

I thought about this the other day and realized that I’m quite intimidated by cooking. Great cooks- and I don’t mean chefs – make the preparation of magnificent meals look effortless. I’m already scuppered at the grocery store – which cut of meat to buy? Chicken is easy – five pounds – two legs – two wings – a couple of breasts and a thigh or two. But what if I wanted to impress my guests with beef – argggggggggh – a whole cow to chose from. Where to start? What do I know about beef. I’ve wandered up and down many a meat counter wondering what to buy, and not knowing, just bought a chicken instead.

Cows are divided up into chuck, rib, short loin, sirloin, round, brisket, shank, short plate and flank and the meat can be braised, boiled, stewed, roasted, broiled, fried and grilled. Real cooks have tools – special knives, grinders and thermometres. They know whether to buy strip steak, club steak, shell steak, porterhouse, sirloin T-bone, tenderloin or filet mignon. Once they get the steak home they understand grilling, broiling, braising and how to light the damn BBQ.

Farther down the meat counter are the cuts of pork and once again, it’s a dizzying array of choices, none of which I understand. I’ve wondered momentarily if bacon, tomato and lettuce sandwiches, beautifully prepared and presented, could pass for a gourmet dinner. Sadly, I thought not. Next came the display of seafood. I was fifty before I had the nerve to serve salmon as a main course. I’m okay with a shrimp stir fry – what can go wrong. Soups – I can make a soup. Pasta isn’t too daunting but the sauces can be a challenge.

Speaking of sauces, salad dressing, stuffing, herbs and spices – once again I get a little shiver up and down my spine. White sauces, pesto, anti-pasta, tomato sauce, cheese sauces, turkey stuffing, pork stuffing, parsley, sage, basil, thyme, rosemary, saffron, dill, peppercorns, sea salt, cumin, oregano, tarragon, savory, marjoram, caraway and cayenne. Where does it all end?

I haven’t even touched on appetizers, salads, desserts, wines, coffees, liqueurs and aperitifs. Is it any wonder I feel defeated before I get started? I have great admiration for people who have mastered the art of cooking and baking. It’s wonderful to go to a friend’s place for dinner and have a meal that is delicious, lip-smacking fare.

I keep threatening to take some cooking classes and become a kitchen wizard myself, but so far this hasn’t happened. Until it does – I’ll struggle along with the few good recipes that I have and hope that my friends don’t remember from one December to the next that “chicken” keeps appearing on my holiday menu!

In keeping with my new regime of sensible eating – cooking good, wholesome food has become more of a priority. However I have no intention of cutting out delicious food, good wine, coffee and desserts. I’m just altering my eating habits. Everything in moderation is probably the wisest mantra anyone can adopt to live a healthy, happy and fulfilled life.

A sense of humour thrown in to cover the rough patches is also an essential element. Big sent me this E-mail tonight, reminding me not to take life too seriously and I think the message, penned by someone quite clever is very funny and incredibly wise.

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand – strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO – What a Ride!”

Perhaps the order of the day is to have Champagne on ice and strawberries at the ready – now with a bit of chocolate on the side, life would be complete – okay, and maybe a bit if Brie …

P.S. – August 2014 – Since becoming a “compassionate consumer” – I wince at this story. I had not yet made the connection at all between the destruction of animals and the human palate. Now I have and the meat and dairy counters at the grocery store are out of bounds! In fact when I have to walk by them – I always say a silent “I’m sorry” …