Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 19, 2004

Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 19, 2004

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 19, 2004 – I was clearing some stuff out of an old pine box in my den today, when I came across a book of writings and saying that I’d put together in 1993 and 1994. My life at the time was a tad chaotic. I was still confused and angry over the demise of a really “bad” relationship. I should have been dancing a jig, but instead I chose a long, hard recovery.

Being a lover of profundities, this book is heavily laced with same and also with plans for the amazing woman I was about to become. I was hopeful, bright eyed, expectant and more than a little naive. My thoughts were based on a perfect woman in search of a perfect life. I was going to be serene, accepting, non-judgmental, positive, kind hearted at all times, loving, laughing, patient, sharing, radiant and beautiful.

I’d always have time for healthy eating , exercise, the theatre, new interests, holidays, entertaining and the age old search inward to the depth of my soul. My faith would be endless, I’d recognize where I was stuck in life and take immediate steps to remedy the situation. What a super woman I was in the process of becoming – I could hardly wait to be her!

As I read through those pages this afternoon, I had to smile at my optimism. I had divided my life up into nine, neat little squares – I think it was called a “personal life grid” – Family & Friends, Health & Exercise, Career, Personal Growth, Community, Spiritual Growth, Home, Interests & Love Relationship.

I was so earnest. I’d filled in each area and was busy facing down my dark side, saying “yes” to the Universe, volunteering my free time to worthy causes, serving others, balancing my life and remembering the Top 10 Things to never say to anyone, and the Top 8 things to never say to a man with whom I was hoping to have a significant relationship. Wow, I was on a mission!

I had a saying for every month, daily affirmations, a 12 step questionnaire for potential love interests, some poems and a list of 18 daily intentions. Lord, it’s not much wonder I was tired, and I hadn’t even crossed the menopausal threshold yet. Somewhere along the way that book was put into a pine box – perhaps I mistook it for a coffin – and I inadvertently slammed the top down and forgot it. It’s interesting that I didn’t just toss it out.

Perhaps because I recognized some of the truths that lay within its covers. I sat for an hour this afternoon and read through the pages. I’d still like to be this woman – eternally positive, good natured and accepting of all that life give and takes. I’m a lot more realistic these days, perhaps a bit jaded, but still hopeful that I can continue to learn and grow personally and professionally. I know that the storms of life finally pass and that I’m a survivor. I know that I’m responsible for all my choices and decisions. If this was my last day on earth, I know what’s important. I know that pain is our greatest teacher in life, and that love and fear are the two great constants we choose between each day.

On March 8, 1994 I described the person that I wanted to be. Needless to say she was a 12 Point Woman. This makes me smile now – me and my book of lists. The reality is, there’s so much wisdom and truth in these ideas, I just wanted it to happen too fast. I’m working on becoming this person, but now I’ve accepted that life is a work in progress. Ten years later these continue to be sound beliefs for a good life:

1) Relaxed and coming from the heart.

2) Enthusiastic about life.

3) Confident.

4) Serene.

5) Living with joy, laughter and gratitude.

6) Open to love.

7) Compassionate and forgiving.

8) Making a contribution.

9) Balanced and content.

10) Energetic and positive.

11) A risk taker.

12) Fearless.

The last page of my book had the following famous person quote – “For all sad words of tongue or pen, these are the saddest . . . it might have been”. I’m still working away at life, taking the good with the bad, learning as I go, and intent on becoming a more evolved person. If it’s true that, “Wisdom is often nearer when we stoop that when we soar”, I’m getting a lot of practice and I’ll be at the finish line one day soon. I guess the bottom line is – don’t give up, dare to dream and dare to do. The alternative just isn’t any fun. I have to admit I still sometimes wonder how my life will turn out when I grow up and what will people think of me when I’m gone!