Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – March 22, 2004

Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – March 22, 2004

Poemry

Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – March 22, 2004 – I’ve had a yearning to write for many years. I’ve swallowed it down like aspirin without water. I’ve been terrified that I had nothing of value to say, and I lacked the confidence to put pen to paper. This year (reluctantly) I’m finally breaking free from my self-imposed limitations for long enough to try.

It is not a welcome venture. I’m writing about things I know and people and experiences I’ve encountered, but it does not come easily. Today I was looking through some old papers and came across poems I’d written in the seventies and eighties. I didn’t know then if they were any good and I still don’t know now. The difference is that I’m prepared to let them see the light of day. They are twenty-five years old now – past the teenage years – adults in their own right.

At the time, I was leaving the fashion business and about to embark on my year of living dangerously as a pen, trophy and button sales person. I was busy plugging up my creative outlets, intent on scaling the dizzying heights of the corporate world, convinced that my destiny lay with big business and all the professional folk who populated that world.

Nonetheless during 1979 and 1980 I wrote on the week-ends and then dutifully put away my thoughts. A certain feeling that I was a pretender imbued my thinking. These poems had no chance at life. I was embarrassed that they existed. Today, I feel differently and the writing that follows is from a time years ago when I believed I had no voice. I gave them life then – now I want to let them breath.

A Woman

Growing up

Took so long

But now the ache

To have back the tender

Innocence of youth

Is desperate.

Womanhood makes brutal demands

Maturity, understanding, wit,

Sophistication,

Career, children, friend, lover.

There are moments

When the fissure is visible

Breaking is near.

An internal force

Unseen – unknown

Spreads through the veins

Forcing strength to the outside.

Composure is regained

Externally – completely.

The confident smile

Defies failure

But inside the child screams for recognition

And comfort.

The day passes

And later

Away from others

Within the protective silence

Of privacy

the child emerges

From the woman’s body

To cry …  November 30, 1979

 

The Writer

Head bent

Eyes straining

In concentrated effort

Pen in hand

Interruption is met

With calculated grimace.

Each line worked

Until the original

Claims no relation

To the final prose

Even then

Perfection uncertain

The anxious stare, persists … November 30, 1979

　

A Friend

Her sleek perfect body

Beside me

Slender legs relaxed in sleep

The gentle motion of her breathing

Expresses utter contentment.

The warmth of her body

So Close

It warms me too.

She sighs and stretches

As consciousness returns

To chase sleep.

Her eyes seek mine

The brown softness there

So full of love

That it hurts me inside.

This precious creature

Who speaks not

Gives strength, love, laughter

And I treasure her … October 19, 1979

 

A Working Principle

Inspiration comes at night

Forbidding sleep.

Eyes close at four

Blurring morning decisions

Business has eight hour

Expectations

Forcing week-end poemry …  October 21, 1979

　

Fear

I hate to keep

Looking inside myself

I have this terror

That one day

I will look too far

And discover

There is nothing there … May 27, 1980

 

Do This For Me

Walk for me

Awhile

In the sunshine

Feel for me

Its dancing warmth

On your face

See for me

The beaming full

Smile of a child

Hear for me

The blessed melodies

Of laughter

Savour for me

The perfumed richness

Of a thousand roses

Touch for me

The velvet face

Of a new born puppy

Hold for me

In your heart

The remembrance

Of a hushed

And starlit night

That you can share

With me

These gifts

When my fearful

And troubled mind

Is free again

To question

Why I have not

Walked for a time

In the sun … October 10, 1981

 

Betrayal

Looking at her

I was in awe

Of fragile features

Perfect skin

Tousled hair

On another

Amiss.

It came to her

Career, love, laughter,

Purpose.

I plotted against her

In my mind

She had conquered easily

What my struggles

Refused to yield.

One day

I heard

She had died

By her own hand

Sorrow hung on my heart

Those who have it all

Must set the example

And endure the expectations.

Didn’t she know that? … May 5, 1981

 

The Show

Nervous feet

Shuffle

On four inch heels

Cautioned

Never to waver.

Last minute primping

In a private world.

Eager, unsure,

Condescending.

Music blares

Heads jerk high.

Hollow cheeks

Rouged,

Heroin eyes

Black.

Square jaws

Ease lips

Into Vaseline smiles.

Gaunt shadows impelled

Forward,

The soft swish of fabric

Lost

As brittle legs

Carry shapeless bodies

Into the spotlight.

Glory.

On stage,

Briefly.

The acknowledged

Exclamation of beauty.

Skeletons disappear

Replaced by their sisters.

Applause.

Not for the tedious hours

Of starvation and devotion

Darling.

Rather

For the garment

Stitched and tucked

Then labelled ‘designer’.

Cosmetic bag

One third the weight

Of its carrier

Slung over an angular shoulder.

The hall empties

Slowly.

Models inconceivable

Out of costume

Melt into the polyester crowd

To wait for the elevator … January 4, 1980